


Powers of Lifting

by Rivers



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, abuse of female underwear, crack! fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivers/pseuds/Rivers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki wants answers. And he is willing to concede a truce to find it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Powers of Lifting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NatureBoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatureBoy/gifts).



It is a hot midsummer’s day when Tony spots Steve dragging his feet dejectedly into the rec room of the Avengers headquarters.

Setting down his blowtorch, he decides to stall the refurbishment for a while to check up on the guy.

“‘Sup, Cap? Heatwave finally got to y-“ Tony unconsciously takes two steps backward as Loki follows the blond man, not a drop of sweat on him despite the ridiculous armour, looking for all the world like he were cruising a furniture shop.

“Ah, Man of Iron,” he nods nonchalantly at the spluttering genius, settling onto the couch.

“Honey, what the hell? You know how I feel about strays,” Tony quips at Steve, who looks acutely miserable. “He just won’t leave me alone. Says he needs answers,” comes the reply, “somethingaboutwomensundergarmentscanyoupleasetakecareofthis.”

“Wait, what - where?” Tony stares, confused, as Steve exits with the speed of a man being chased by a pack of rabid wolves.

When he turns back, Loki is helping himself to a cold Pepsi, a long digit tracing the edge of the glass as he smiles at Tony from under his lashes.

The billionaire gulps at the predatory expression and can’t help but replay the last time they had a little private tete-a-tete.

Unless he is very much mistaken, it involved him being thrown bodily out of a 90-storey-high window.

“Jarvis. Reinforce all exits. Alert SHIELD and the Avengers.”

“Yes, sir.”

“There won’t be any need for that,” Loki says breezily, making a pleasant sound when his lips touch the cold beverage, “I’m not here to fight. As the soldier said, I just want answers.”

“Too late,” Jarvis counters.

There is a patter of footsteps down the hallway and Natasha swings around, aiming two intimidating-looking handguns at the Norse God, who only offers a disarming smile and raises his hands in a gesture of surrender.

The Black Widow frowns at Tony in confusion while Loki raises his perfectly-shaped eyebrows at him.

God help him, he needs a drink already.

“‘S’alright, Nat. He says he’s here to get answers,” he says, rubbing his temples.

She lowers her weapons hesitantly, not taking her eyes off the once-supervillain. “If you’re sure, Tony. But I’ll stay here if you don’t mind.”

She ignores Loki patting the seat next to him, and sinks into a pink beanbag that clashes horribly with her hair, reaching for a current issue of _Guns & Ammo_.

“So,” Tony pours himself a whiskey - hell, make that a double, why not - and shovels ice chips into it, “How may I be of humble service?”

Loki smirks at the sarcasm. “While I was inspecting my future kingdom - no offence, friends - I came across several articles and objects that I found fascinating, and no doubt of great power. I want to know their uses, and how they are to be wielded.”

“Oh? And why would I tell you?” Tony asks skeptically, swirling his drink.

“Because,” Loki’s grin grows wider, “The one you call Captain America has struck a bargain with me. He promised that you will do so, else I am given liberty to curse you against alcohol. You would not be able to drink spirits ever again without instigating a massive allergic reaction. And he will not lift a finger to prevent it.”

“No!” Tony says, aghast.

“Oh yes,” Loki’s smile grows decidedly more psychopathic.

“STEVE!” Tony yells.

“Condolences, sir, but Captain America has left the premises.” JARVIS answers.

Loki waits patiently for Tony to stop swearing.

“So, are we ready to move on now?”

“Whatever,” Tony takes an enormous swig of whiskey. His head starts to buzz quite comfortably.

“This is one of the artefacts I have come across. They seem to be made in large quantities and varieties. The curator spoke some gibberish about it possessing the power of lifting things.”

Loki produces a hideous yellow halter-neck bra from his pocket.

Tony gapes.

Natasha flips a page, face blank.

“Yes?” the god prods impatiently.

“It’s - well - is this what got Steve so flustered earlier? You were quizzing him about bras?”

“And ‘panties’,” Loki supplies, enunciating the word with such care Tony has to fight to keep a straight face.

“Okay. A bra is - well, it’s an item of clothing. That women wear. As a type of shape-holding and protection gear, I suppose?” He rubs the back of his neck, glancing at Natasha. Her face remains impassive. Thank God he didn’t say anything that might insult women.

“Ah. So, like a form of magical retardant and armour,” Loki nods.

“Nooootttt exxacccctttlllyyy…” Tony scours his mind for a more apt explanation and finds nothing.

“Perhaps if you demonstrate how it is worn,” Loki suggests.

"What? No. NO WAY. _Uh-uh_. I mean, I would look ridiculous in that bra. I can maybe carry blue. But _yellow_? Eurgh.”

Right on cue, a shriek and crash sounds from the doorway.

“Pepper!” Tony crows, and it’s a mark of how well she knows him that Pepper’s eyes narrow at the mere tone of his voice.

“What,” she grits out, picking herself up from the floor, “Is HE doing here?”

She jabs a finger at Loki, who looks hurt.

“Why does everyone immediately assume I’m up to no good?” He complains.

Everyone wisely decides to ignore the question.

“Um, he says it’s an, um. Educational visit. He wants to know… stuff.” Tony mumbles.

Pepper snorts loudly, not caring in the slightest whether it’s attractive or not.

“It’s true,” Loki says sullenly. “I just want to know what this is.” He flops the offending item around like it were some type of bizzare musical instrument.

“Yeah, so -” Tony begins.

“No.”

“You haven’t even heard -“

“NO.”

“He just needs to see -“

“ _NO_.”

“It’s for _science_!”

Pepper slaps him soundly across the ear.

“When I say no, Tony Stark, open your ears and listen. Because it doesn’t mean ‘maybe I will be persuaded if you continue to be extremely annoying’. It doesn’t mean ‘maybe I will agree if you insinuate flashing a supervillain is anything akin to science’. It just means NO.”

Tony wibbles a little from the pain.

“Oh, for God’s sake.”

A sharp noise announces that Natasha has thrown down her magazine and stood up from the bean bag.

“Eyes front and centre, boys,” she snaps, and promptly unzips the front of her catsuit.

“Whoa,” says Tony.

“Oh. I see,” says Loki.

Pepper just stares.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what comes of putting together a really bored postgrad student and a really amazing cosplayer (fahrlight on Tumblr).  
> Inspired by this picture: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9lg7pVqhF1qctwkso1_500.jpg


End file.
